2021 and Lockdown 3.0

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We glugged the sweet fizz of prosecco as we saw in the New Year with (the rightful King of the Castle) Jordan North. We grabbed panettone by the fistful and danced to 80’s pop and I allowed myself to feel quietly optimistic about 2021. Like a modern day Cinderella I wanted the stroke of midnight to mean something and instead of leaving my shoe on the staircase as I ran outside, I wanted to leave the pandemic and all the other shit we’re carrying and firmly close the door behind me. But no such luck. We opened the door and outside there was a thick frosty fog filling the streets. You couldn’t even see your hand infront of your face and it didn’t feel like a very good omen. But hey, stranger things have happened and maybe 2021 really will be the year that all my dreams come true.

I have a love/hate relationship with new years resolutions. For a long time they would be a reason to berate myself into a new diet or exercise regime to shrink myself as much as possible. In more recent times, they would be an opportunity to say ‘THIS IS THE YEAR I WILL LOVE MY BODY NO MATTER WHAT OK’ and then 3 days later when I am squeezing into some leggings and not feeling so kind with my inner thoughts, I would have officially ruined my resolution and face planted the entire contents of my fridge. Rules don’t work for me, even if they’re positive ones.

So instead of resolutions, this year I’ve put our 3 hopes into the Universe. One is a big one and the other ones are a little bit silly. If I don’t achieve any of them then everything will still be ok and the world will keep on turning. This is the first year I didn’t even consider making any resolutions that revolve around my body which is extremely refreshing. So instead..

A house

I would really really like to buy a house this year. It would be nice to have more space and a garden but if that doesn’t work out, we have a little flat which is home and a place I feel safe in and that is more than enough.

Olio & Duolingo

I would really really like to use these apps a bit more. But if I don’t collect ‘x’ amount of bags for life full of gone off pastries or complete a 300 day streak of learning french.. c’est la vie!

1 second a day

I would really really like to remember to record my 1 second video every day so on the 31st December 2021 I have something nice to look at and if I don’t remember one day that isn’t a call for me to give up completely and instead just to pick it up when I remember again.

The stakes of all of these hopes are low, lower than low, the lowest because none of them actually really matter. If seeing the 1st January as a blank slate works for you then you do you but I am done with the pressure. Besides, I think we all have quite enough to be dealing with right now trying to keep up with if we are allowed to hug our nan, meet up in a pissing cold park, or stay 1 or 2 meter’s apart from the lurker in the corner shop.

God speed into lockdown 3 and again, please don’t invite me to your Zoom quiz.

We got covid-19. How’s that for clickbait?

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Last Thursday we were watching TV when Zoe said she had a headache. We thought it was because of our plug in heaters that turn our tiny flat into the Bahamas but smell a bit weird so we turned them off and decided to get an early night. Before we went to sleep I said that Zoe should book a covid test because she felt really hot. Luckily we managed to book her one for the next morning in the car park of our old University. We woke up on Friday and Zoe felt back to normal after a good sleep and I now had a headache and felt hot but the heaters weren’t on so we couldn’t blame them. I decided I should probably get a test too but couldn’t get one in the same time slot as Zoe so she went for hers then drove home and got me and took me for mine and all of the staff said funny things like ‘Back again already?’. It wasn’t very funny. Swabbing your tonsil and up your nose to your brain whilst gagging and trying not to sneeze is a pretty sexy activity to watch your partner do. A guy in full PPE came and collected my test using litter pickers and we headed home feeling slightly guilty that we got tested because we didn’t really feel ill anymore and maybe I was just hot because we sleep underneath a mountain of blankets.

Then it was the weekend and we stayed inside like good girls and laughed about how we definitely don’t have Coronavirus but then we did. Zoe’s test came back on Sunday morning and mine followed on Monday. We were really shocked because lots of friends had had more intense symptoms and had tested negative and I even said I would put all my savings on us not having it. Thank God we didn’t shake on it. From Monday I felt progressively worse – really fatigued and with complete loss of smell, taste and appetite. I’ve been sleeping for 12-13 hours a night and every small activity makes me need to go and sit down for a while after. I am eating in response to a stomach rumble but am getting no enjoyment from food and it all feels very strange. Luckily, Zoe has continued to be asymptomatic and has been able to work from home and deal with me moaning every waking hour about how tired I am and how I wish I could taste. Yesterday she had a delivery of the most delicious looking fudgy brownies and it made me so sad because I might as well just eat a raw green pepper.

I am trying not to worry about my symptoms and believe that they will pass but it is hard when pals keep texting to say their mate still hasn’t got their ability to taste back since March and the many articles about long-covid fatigue. I feel really grateful that my symptoms have been fairly mild in the grand scheme of things but I still feel extremely shit. Zoe is allowed outside on Sunday and me on Monday and I am really looking forward to some fresh air but I don’t feel like I am ever going to have energy again. I hope I will.

I guess I just wanted to put this out there because it is easy to think it won’t happen to you or the effects won’t be too bad because we’re young and healthy but even the mildest symptoms can be really debilitating. Also, if you have any of the headline symptoms, even a little bit – please get a test. Neither of us have had a cough at all and I know that I thought this was the main indicator that you need to get tested. Please be careful. We were lucky that we had only had close contact with 3 people in the window before our test who have needed to isolate and they are currently without symptoms, but we might not have been so lucky.

Stay safe and still don’t invite me to your Zoom quiz because I’m busy sleeping.

PS – A huge thanks to friends who have dropped round food, prescriptions, sent lil gifts, kept me company over Whatsapp and been all round good eggs. I treated myself to this little smiley sunshine too and look how cute it is: