I’m tired

books, running

I’m tired and so I know I need to rest but my fitness watch makes it hard for me to do that. I got my fancy Garmin watch to help with my running training a couple of years ago. At first, I only wore it when I went out to run. Then I wore it when I went out to run or for a bike ride. Then I wore it when I went out to run or for a bike ride or for a walk. Then I wore it all the time. There are a few reasons that my smart watch became permanently glued to my wrist.

1) Strava

Runners love Strava. Since joining a running club, Strava became the best the place to hang out. You can give your pals kudos for their running efforts, design routes and get involved with challenges. OR you can become obsessed with what everyone else is doing & desperate to gain digital badges at the detriment of your mental and physical health. I think Strava can be a wonderful and supportive tool for lots of people but it can also be a slippery slope for those who have struggled with a disorded relationship to exercise in the past (or indeed, lead to it). Being a completionist, I loved signing myself up for the monthly fitness challenges but would often force myself to get in the extra mileage even when my body really wasn’t feeling it.

2) Steps

I saw someone jumping on the spot the other day to before heading back into the office after their lunch break and no-one found it odd when they called out ‘Just a few more until I hit my steps’. Everyone knew what she was talking about, a large majority had probably done similar. But guess what the 10,000 steps a day mantra ties back to? Capitalism. Yep, it was actually a marketing ploy from the 1964 Toykyo Olympics – A company began selling a pedometer called the Manpo-kei: “man” meaning 10,000, “po” meaning steps and “kei” meaning meter. It was hugely successful and the number seems to have stuck. You can read more about it here. Needing to walk 10,000 steps a day isn’t true. If I’m tired af and my feet hurt, I don’t need to walk 10,000 steps. I need to lie down.

3) Knowing the time

I like to know the time. I am borderline obsessive about being early for every social occasion (being on time is being late etc) and having a wrist watch made me think I’d use my smart phone less – often when I look at my phone for the time, I end up doing 17 different things and then forgetting what I went on it for the first place but in reality a standard wrist watch would be just FINE rather than one that flashes an angry red and tells me to Move! when I’ve sat down for 5 minutes. Even if I’ve just run a marathon.

Yesterday I tried not wearing my smart watch for a day. I’d had the idea of taking it off for the whole of June but I wanted to give myself a trial day so that I could change my mind if I missed it. It turns out that not wearing a smart watch feels good. We went for a walk and for a swim and I had no idea of the stats which meant I was able to tune into my body. When swimming, I stopped after every couple of laps to float in the water or to chat to someone else also cruising in the slow lane rather than stressing out that my watch wasn’t logging the right meters. At times last year when wild swimming I became agitated that my watch couldn’t connect and therefore the world of Strava wouldn’t know what I was doing yet I was kidding myself that I had the whole intuitive exercise thing down.

Recently, I read Born to run and it really got me thinking about how and why I run. I have come to acknowledge that there is no way for me to be an intuitive exerciser whilst I have a smart watch. If I’m honest, this is something that I have known to be true for a while but have been reluctant to face up to. My relationship with food has become tricky recently too and I think taking the pressure and numbers away from movement whilst taking the pressure and numbers away from food will only be a good thing. Maybe one day I will be able to have a healthy relationship with my smart watch for but now, it has been placed into the drawer of things that don’t have a home and we’ll see how I feel about it in a little while. I have no idea how my relationship with movement will evolve over the next few weeks, maybe I’ll want to run a lot, maybe I won’t want to run at all but I’m going to let my body be my guide, every step of the way.

In a reading rut

books

I have something to confess. Despite storming through a frankly ridiculous amount of books at the start of the year I have hit a brick wall. I’ve been in a phase where books I have picked up just haven’t captured my attention. Some, I have tried to persevere with, only to abandon them half way through. I used to hate doing this because I thought I had ‘wasted my time’ but really, reading should be something we do for joy and not something we feel pressured to do. Sometimes I can completely lose myself in a book and finish it in a day, other times, I’ll pick up my book and only read a couple of pages and then leave it for a week until I almost sit on it and am reminded of it’s existence and then pick it up again. To try and help things along, I went to the local charity shop to pick up some easy read fictions. Despite having a to-read pile that could potentially now be large enough to start my own private library, I wanted to have that excitement of browsing and just choosing something because I fancy reading it and not because it has been recommended or is currently Waterstones’ #1 book of the week.

The two books I did pick up from the charity shop – Nina is not OK and Oh dear Silvia have done well to get me back into my reading groove. Safe to say that Nina is not OK was not a fluffy fiction and was in fact harrowing and hard to read at times but still, I was gripped. I am about half way through the latter and to be honest, at the start I thought I had found another dud. However, I decided to give it a few more chapters of chance and I’m glad I did because now I am enjoying it. I’ve also decided to re-shuffle my to-read pile and give myself a variety of books to choose from. Here is what I am planning to read next:



‘Through one couple’s story, De Botton explores infatuation, commitment, tenderness and infidelity in an unapologetically realistic way that expands the very idea of the nature of love itself’.



‘Both a fascinating narrative about a tribe of phenomenal runners and a penetrating enquiry into the nature of running. This is an unforgettable read’.



‘A raw, effervescent debut novel about the power of language and speaking your own truth. Written entirely in verse, the book follows the trials and tribulations of Xiomara, a teenager growing up in a tough Harlem neighbourhood, and her creative release in the world of slam poetry’.



‘A luminous new novel which explores the uncharted implications of AI to human relationships and the abiding question of what it means to love.’.

With most things in life, as soon as pressure is applied to it.. it just isn’t fun anymore and I definitely need to remember this when it comes to reading and trying to read X amount of books a year because genuinely.. who cares? I would love to know your approach to hitting a brick wall with something you love. I think for me it’s about giving it space. Let me know your thoughts in the comments.