I suck at being ill. I hate being off work, I hate being told to do nothing and I hate not being able to eat anything more solid than soup or on a good day, mashed potato. I do, however like attention and being sick gets you plenty of that and an excuse to write a blog post about being ill where you have no idea where it is going to go. I am also heavily medicated so this could be a wild ride. Tonsillitis creeps up on me atleast once a year and no it not just a bad sore throat, it is actual hell. Once my throat finally stops feeling like it is being stabbed I am going to order an XL Papa Jon’s pizza and as many of those sweet garlic dips that my bank account allows and it’s going to be the best night of my life since I realised that all 121 episodes of Glee are available on Netflix.
Things that tonsillitis is worse than:
- Repeatedly stepping on an upturned plug whilst your barefoot
- Accidentally smashing a family heirloom
- Wetting yourself in public
- Losing the school Guinea pig that you took home to look after for a weekend
- Booty calling your ex who cheated on you
- Mistakenly using hair removal cream instead of shampoo
- Being hungover and downing a glass of vodka, thinking it is water
- Fracturing all of your toes
I like to be entertained. As a child I hated playing on my own, I would count down the days of half term longing to get back to school. As an adult I pack my social calendar full to the brim, pretending that I just loooove being busy when really I just don’t want to be by myself. When Zoe goes out for the evening, I watch TV whilst messaging as many people as possible on WhatsApp and redesigning my cabin on Animal Crossing. As soon as I take annual leave and allow myself to relax I get I’ll or if that hasn’t happened in a while then I am left to push push push until my tonsils swell up like golf balls and I break out into cold sweats. Being busy is the dark side to my ongoing struggle with high functioning anxiety. As my Mum says, I’ve got to stop burning the candle at both ends and for the sake of my tonsils and for the sake of my sanity, something’s got to give.
When the lockdown restrictions started to ease I said to myself that I would remember how much better I felt when the government ordered to stay inside and do nothing (bear with me). I thought a pandemic would wreak havoc on my mental health but years of catastrophising weirdly worked in my favour and now that a lot of other people were doing a whole lot of nothing, I allowed myself to do nothing too.. whilst I wasn’t busy thinking of excuses as to why I couldn’t attend your Zoom quiz. Now that life is returning to normal, I am struggling. I have let myself go from 0 to 100 and ended in a state of having to gargle warm salt water and take 6x tablets every 4 hours and I want to do everything in my power for this to never happen again. I feel like my tonsillitis has got tonsillitis. I know that prioritising time to do nothing isn’t going to cause a supersonic boost in my immune system but it’s surely going to help, right?
No time like the present, I’m going to stop endlessly wondering when life can get going again and instead focus on being quiet, still and saving £2983 to get a private tonsillectomy. Google tells me that a brave tonsillitis warrior before me has asked how to remove their tonsils at home, so that’s always a budget friendly option if the going gets really tough. But for now, rest.